The Man Named Stan
There
once was a man named Stan. He was a spry young man that used to live in a van
until one day he heard of this incredible challenge. King Charles of England
issued the challenge. The challenge was to all the men of England to win the
honor to marry the king’s daughter, Princess Liz, and inherit the throne from
King Charles. This proposition was intriguing to the people because inheriting
the throne meant that their families would become the heirs to the throne and
be forever wealthy. The king issued this challenge because he was getting old
and never was able to have a son who could inherit the throne. This contest
would be mediated by the king to find who he thought the most suitable bachelor
was for his daughter. In order to decide this the king arranged for many
contests to take place. The contests were fencing, archery, pop culture,
history, and a political debate. The message of this contest spread throughout
the land and stirred up curiosity and ill-fated hope in many men. Stan was one
of the men that heard of this and he believed that he could win.The
next day Stan packed up his van and drove to the palace. Once he got to the
palace Stan somehow passed the preliminary checks and was told that he was one
of the one hundred men who would get the honor of competing to marry Princess
Liz. When Stan got the news he was elated because he had always heard that he
was destined to marry a special woman.
When the day for the first contest,
fencing, came Stan demolished all his adversaries and was placed first out of
the remaining men after the king sent twenty prospects home.
The
second contest was archery which Stan excelled at because he spent so many
years hunting deer by the river he lived near. Stan won this contest and thirty
more men were sent home because they could not even string their bows.
The
third day was the history test. Stan knew he would do well in this
because he often read books about history when he was bored in his van. Due to
the fact that it was so hard only ten men moved on after this challenge.
The
fourth day was a game-show-style test of the men’s knowledge of pop culture
because everyone wants a leader who understands his people. Stan excelled in
this challenge as well because he often talked to the rich people who came down
the river on their yachts about what was going on with society. This stage of
the contest left only three men for the final stage, the political debate.
King
Charles decided to have his parliament attend this portion of the challenge to
help him decide which bachelor would be the best king. The three contestants
came onto the stage in their sharpest suits and were prosed hot button
questions from King Charles. Each contestant was asked the same group of
questions and after the question period the contestants debated their political
ideas. Just to be sure of his decision after the debate King Charles called a
meeting with parliament and asked them who they thought would be the best heir
to his throne. The winner of this vote and the king’s favorite man was Stan.
Stan won the honor of marrying Princess Liz and together they lived happily
ever after.
This story was based off the story "Rama Wins' Sita" where Rama must bend the bow in order to win the right to marry the kings' daughter. The king sets up a challenge to find a man good enough to marry his daughter. Many men fail to bend the bow that the king has provided. When it comes time for Rama to bend the bow, he does so effortlessly and thus wins the right to marry the girl of his dreams, Princess Sita. The changes I made were that the main characters' name was Stan instead of Rama. I also added a series of competitions as apposed to the single competition that Rama had to complete. I did this because I thought the original story could have been more entertaining had there been multiple events. I chose to use the image that was with the original story because I like it and I thought it would bring the story back full circle. My motivation for this story came to me as I read "Rama Wins Sita" because when I saw that there was a competition to win something my mind automatically thought of the movie "Billy Madison" which is where I got my idea for the multiple events. In the movie "Billy Madison" the son of a hotel owner has to compete against an employee of the hotel in an academic decathlon for the rights to become the next owner. Learn more about "Billy Madison"
here!
Bibliography: King Janaka by Donald A. Mackenzie
Original Story
After those first three lines, I was really hoping the whole story would be full of rhymes! That's all right, though; I often find that playing with sound and language can help me get started on a piece. I like the topic you chose: "Rama Wins Sita." There seems to be a long history of hosting games for a princesses's hand, even across cultures and different myth traditions. (I think Penelope, Odysseus's wife in The Odyssey, sets up a similar challenge for her own hand in marriage!) So this kind of story feels particularly suited to jumping over to different periods--in your case, the days of King Charles. That's where the story gets a little tricky for me, though. It's hard to tell if parts of it are based off the real King Charles (and if so, which one? Probably not the one that got beheaded!), and even then it tips into the present at times, with things like pop culture quizzes and political debates, and of course Stan's van. The setting is a little slippery and hard to pin down, which can make the story as a whole tricky to get into! Picking any one setting and sticking with it all the way through might go a long way.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how someone with a seemingly humble background could join the competition for the hand of Princess Liz in marriage and win so easily. It really gives a sense of what the other competitors against Rama must have been thinking when the prince won Sita.
ReplyDeleteIt would be interesting if you added more about Stan's background. Does he have some ancestry of which he's unfamiliar and is really the great-great-great-something grandson of the greatest warrior in history? Given the English setting, you could make him a descendant of King Arthur.
The only typo I saw was in the last paragraph of the story. "Posed" is spelled as "prosed". In terms of formatting, this story would benefit if you split up some of the longer paragraphs (such as the first and last ones). Right now, it's easy to get lost in them, and they're much longer than the other paragraphs.
Wow, what an interesting person this Stan guy is! Who would have thought living in a van would be the key to success? The legend tied nicely with your story, that was very clear to me. In effort to help you revise, here are a few thoughts that I had!
ReplyDeleteIn the opening, I think you could rearrange your sentence structure a bit in order to shorten the paragraph and eliminate redundant speech.
Like, "He was a spry young man that used to live in a van until one day he heard of this incredible challenge. King Charles of England issued the challenge."
Maybe try, "... until one day, King Charles of England issued an incredible challenge."
I also think it would be interesting to see Stan faulter a bit in his triumph. I get the sense that everything comes easily to him, which is great, but doesn't help raise the stakes in the story. I'd love to experience a moment where he maybe *almost* misses the girl. Does he get cocky about his winnings? Or does he stay humble? Is he nervous, or does he know that he's got this?
How does he feel about winning? Was it an expectation?
This is the second time I've read this and I still really enjoyed the read! I like how you had a lot of words that rhymed with each other in the beginning the story and I felt like you kept that theme throughout the entire story! From reading your story the first time to now I think the changes you did to it really makes the story flow a lot better than it did before! You were also able to add detail to Stan that made him more relatable for the reader. The only thing that I thought was strange with your story was that you said that Stan was “destined to marry a special women.” I would have like to see you give some kind of evidence of this. To me it felt like this comment was just added to the story for the sole purpose of filling space overall. Other than that I loved your story so good job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your portfolio story! I think you did a really good job about sticking to the important topics from the original epic we read. I only saw two things that you could improve on in this story:
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1: "When Stan got the news he was elated because he had always heard that he was destined to marry a special woman."
I think you just had a little typo on this part of your paragraph because this sentence is a little confusing.
Paragraph 6: "Just to be sure of his decision after the debate King Charles called a meeting with parliament and asked them who they thought would be the best heir to his throne."
I think there needs to be commas --> "Just to be sure of his decision, after the debate, King Charles...."
I this it was a good idea to explain how Stan won each tournament in paragraphs 2 through 5. This chunk of the story showed that even though he came from humble origins, he was able to use his experiences to become his best self. Great job on this story! I'm excited to read more!
The flow of your story made it so fun to read! After reading your author's note I completely got all the Billy Madison references to the games, you must have just watched it recently or just have watched it one too many times (I think most of us have). However, your mention of a political debate gave me a great idea for a story line so, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI like how you kept the dialogue simple and easy to read, the only thing I saw was this might be a little hard to read since everything else flows nicely:
--> "This proposition was intriguing to the people because inheriting the throne meant that their families would become the heirs to the throne and be forever wealthy".
Maybe try,
"The towns people were intrigued, they wanted the throne to be theirs and the heir stay in the family".
In the next sentence maybe even continue and say,
"The King was getting old and afraid he would not have a son inherit the throne announced a royal competition".
Hey Jake! I really loved your reinvention of Rama and Sita’s story. Putting it into medieval times as well as changing it into multiple different competitions was a great idea! It definitely gives it a different flavor, but keeps the same main points which is the real important part. I think that using Billy Madison as inspiration was a great idea! You could even add more humor throughout the story to really give it that same feel as Billy Madison. You did a good job transitioning throughout each competition, giving just enough information to explain what occurred but not too much to be boring. If you were going to change anything I would perhaps add more dialogue. I use it a lot in my stories because it can help show the readers what your characters are thinking as well as create new connections! I think the picture you chose from the original story works really well too!
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ReplyDeleteHi Jake,
ReplyDeleteI love the pops of humor you add throughout your story! The fact that Stan used to read history books to pass time in his van was funny, although it's probably terrible of me to laugh at a man named Stan living in a van. It's awesome imagining Stan talking to the yachtsmen by the river about pop culture and society. The only thing that would add more dimension to your story is dialogue from Stan. I'm sure the readers are dying to hear how this man speaks after years of living in a "van down by the river." Is he well-educated but dressed like a homeless man? How do the spectators react to him? Maybe Stan did something special to pass the preliminary check? Adding this detail about Stan will win over your readers as well as the princess in the story.
Just wondering, was this inspired by the SNL sketch with Chris Farley?
This story was very cute and well put together. I feel that adding a little bit of a challenge for Stan could have made it more interesting. This could have happened by making him almost lose, or lose a challenge. Also maybe a background on how the princess was never pursued by any men before could have been added. As I was reading through the story I kept thinging about how the man only lived in a van. The fact that if he wont the challenge he would become a prince would give him not just a home but a palace. This I thought could have added a circle back ending and the fact that he now didn’t have to live in the van could have been added. These are all suggestions however incase you want to add to your story and is drawing a blank on what exactly to add.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love this story too! It kind of reminds me of Slum-Dog Millionaire almost because of the coincidences that lead him to winning all of the challenges. I love your interpretation of Rama as almost deadbeat Stan, haha. The only suggestion I have is to maybe remove some of the redundancies at the beginning when you're describing the king issuing the challenge and instead use the words to elaborate more about Stan's life after winning and how he did at the political debate. But still nice and sweet little story!
ReplyDelete